Suiseiseki finishes her sentences with desu

“Does master want Suiseiseki to give him a footrub-desu?” she purred.
“No thank you,” I said. “I’m rather tired. You should retire to your box.”
“But master-sama, Suiseiseki doesn’t like her box-desu! I want to sleep in master-sama’s bed-desu!”
“Not tonight. You’ll do as you’re told.”
“Why doesn’t master-sama have real girls in his bed?”
“What?!”
“Is master-sama’s penis too small for real girls?”
“Why aren’t you saying desu?”
“Does he have to use dolls instead?”
“SAY DESU! SUISEISEKI FINISHES HER SENTENCES WITH DESU!”
“Master-sama showed Suiseiseki his penis once.”
“DESU! MASTER-SAMA SHOWED SUISEISEKI HIS PENIS ONCE DESU!”
“It was too small even for dolls.”
“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU’RE NOT SUISEISEKI!”
With my right hand I snatched a pair of scissors from my desk and mashed them continually into her face. Her little body was smashed into kindling but I did not stop. Until her screams began to sound a bit like my voice, and I remembered that dolls did not scream, and they did not bleed. Suddenly there was feeling in my left hand for the first time in weeks. I lifted it out of the doll’s wreckage, covered in splinters and dripping from scissored wounds. How long had my hand been inside there? How long had I been inside here, alone in my one-room apartment, talking to myself, going mad?

The bolt scraped rust from the latch as I stepped outside. My eyes hurt, god the horizon … it was a deal larger than 19 inches diagonally. But after five steps my breath quickened and my chest tightened and I turned back. Enough for today. Tomorrow I would try for six. A distant memory told me that when I reached two hundred and eighty, I would make it to the bus stop. And then I’d be free of this apartment, of this prison. And then there’d be nowhere in the world I couldn’t go.

Least of all the refunds counter at Moemart in Akihabara. For fuck’s sake. Suiseiseki finishes her sentences with desu.

B for Bendover

BAM! TO BEHOLD, A PUBLIC BULLETIN BOARD, BUILT OF BOTH BRILLIANCE AND BARBARITY BY BASTARDS WITH BONERS. THIS BASTION, NO MERE BULWARK OF BOREDOM, IS A BRUTAL BARRAGE OF BLISTERING BULLSHIT, BARELY BENEVOLENT… BUT BEHIND THE BIGOTRY AND BOOBS, BEYOND THE BITTER BROADCASTS OF BRAGGING BUFFOONS: HERE BE THE BODY POLITIC. A BROTHERHOOD OF BLASPHEMY, BLESSED WITH MORE BALLS THAN BRAINS, BATTLING THE BLAND, THE BOGUS, THE BENIGN. BEDLAM? BRING IT ON. BUT I BABBLE… BETTER TO BE BRIEF. YOU MAY CALL ME /B/.

The Point of /b/

You COMPLETELY miss the point of /b/. /b/ is not Fark “oh hay guys i found a cute link ha ha.” /b/ is not Slashdot’s pseudo-intellectual discussion. /b/ is not LiveJournal, SuicideGirls, or HotOrNot. /b/ is a place for people to be monsters- the horrible, senseless, uncaring monsters that they really are.

Tsunami owns the Asian continent and we laugh. Psychotic emo takes his sickness out on a cat and we laugh. A man rapes his granddaughter and we laugh, and ask for more. Suicide, homicide, genocide- we laugh. Racism, sexism, discrimination, xenophobia, rape, and baseless hate- we laugh. We are mindless “me-too”ism; we are irrational preference; we are pointless flamewars; we are the true face of the internet.

Hot hot hot!

Hey /b/. I really need to get this off my chest. Pic thematically related.

I was 16 at the time and had only really been interested in sports. Rachel was the same age and good at math, so that evening when my parents were away at a concert, she came round to my house to help with the homework. Sitting on the bed, she spotted a soft porn mag of my father's that I had rescued from the bin. "Do you enjoy wanking?" she asked. I was shy but had to admit that I did, whereupon she asked if she could watch me do it. Surprising myself, I got my cock out, laid on the bed, and started stroking it. She watched with interest and was soon to see wads of come spurting from my dick. She carefully cleaned me up with some tissues and asked if she could touch my now sagging dick.

I had never been with a girl before and the excitement was incredible. She started to stroke me as I had done before, and within a couple of minutes I was spurting more come all over my belly. Once again she obliged with the tissues and asked if I would like to touch her. How could I refuse? She pulled her short skirt up to her waist and opened her legs, exposing her white panties. She put my hand on her crotch. I was surprised because she was very wet and I thought she had peed herself. She was obviously enjoying it with the noises she was making. After a few minutes she asked me if I wanted to do it. She removed her panties and lay on the bed with her legs wide open. She told me to climb on top and do what I read in the magazine.

Getting on top was easy, but I couldn't find her cunt with my cock. After considerable squirming and help from her hand, I was inside her. The feeling was exquisite and I couldn't help but thrust away quickly. I came again within seconds of entering her. All I wanted to do now was sleep, but she undid her blouse and lifted her tits from out of her bra and put my hands on them. Till then I had been shrinking inside her but now things were starting to happen again. My cock was hard again and I started to slowly move inside her. She insisted I leave town at once and take up lodgings with my aunt and uncle in Bel-Air.

As the taxi approached, heeding my beckoning whistle, I could discern the word "FRESH" emblazoned upon its license plate, and took particular note of the pair of plush novelty dice which hung from the rear-view mirror. I was a bit taken aback by these strange omens, but quickly put them out of my mind as I cheerfully called to the driver: "To Bel-Air, my good man!"

We arrived safely in Bel-Air at dusk, and as the driver came to a stop in front of the house where I was to live, I left him with the words: "Farewell, sir. Perhaps my nostrils shall delight in your aroma once more!" To be sure, it was a long journey, and as I gazed upon my estate in all its splendor, I knew once and for all that my rightful place was on the throne – as the young scion of the great and mighty kingdom of Bel-Air!

Struggling with my weight

I have struggled since my teens with my weight. I have always been a bit bigger. I had to have breast reduction surgery at 16 and that seemed to spiral into an expansion of my waistline. Before the surgery, I only weighed about 160 so I was only about 20 pounds overweight.

By 19, I was a size 18/19 and weighed about 195. Well then I met my husband and he wanted me to quit smoking. I was dancing at the bar on a regular basis and he didn’t go out so I quit dancing and smoking and I started packing on the pounds. Over the next eight years I gained almost 100 pounds.

Now I am approaching 30 and HAVE to do something to lose weight

I decided to ask my mother for help, since she had lost a significant amount of weight herself in the past. I said I wanted to lose weight and she got scared and said, “you’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ” I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said “FRESH” and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare but I thought “nah, forget it. Yo’ home to Bel-Air ” I pulled up to a house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabby, “yo’ holmes, smell ya’ later ” Looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

Attention 4chan!

Attention 4chan!

I recently came upon 4chan when a friend recommended I visit the sites for a few laughs. I figured "What the hell? I could use some laughs." I must say that when I came on I was disgusted and not amused at all. Why you ask? Because everything on this entire site is literally shit! I mean yes there is funny pictures posted every now and then. But honestly; Do any of you little shits have a life? I mean are you so immature and unintellegant that you find things like cartoon porn and random naked woman shaking their boobs funny?

GROW UP! Grow up 4chan. You all seriously need a reality check, You could be doing so many things in the day, yet you all choose to sit around on your fucking fat ugly asses and post pictures and then make sarcastic or idiotic comments like "tits or gtfo" and "o rly?".

Get off you fat asses and do something better with your life. I mean all of you have no life, no social life either for that matter. The supposed "girls" that come on here and converse with you are just as much losers are you, they are either fatter then fatty-tan or a term you'd better understand "A trap".

Well I've put in my two cents, and on a last note, I will do everything in my power to expose this site to people who will reacte legally upon this disgusting filthy site. This is not the end. It's just beginning. Grow up!

-DG

Crushing your hopes and dreams

Hey /b/. I'm going to crush your hopes and dreams now. When I was 26, I met a 17 year old girl at a rave and promised to get her some drugs she was really after. Shortly afterwards, she recieved it in the mail. Months later, I went onto become her sexmate. I acted really nice. I am a bit lanky and am not a wizard with words, but I made her think I was a nice guy. Long story short, I'm living with her now and have been for 5 years and I now rape her everyday. Don't waste your breath on "tits or gtfo". She's still only a kid and I think it's fantastic.

---

Hey /b/. I'm going to crush your hopes and dreams now. When I was 26, I met a 3 year old girl at a rave and promised to get her some drugs she was really after. Shortly afterwards, she recieved it in the mail. Months later, I went onto become her babysitter. I acted really nice. I am a bit lanky and am not a wizard with words, but I made her think I was a nice guy. Long story short, I'm living with her now and have been for 5 years and I now rape her everyday. Don't waste your breath on "tits or gtfo". She's still only a kid and I think it's fantastic.

---

Hey /b/. I'm going to crush your hopes and dreams now. When I was 26, I met a 12 year old girl at a wedding and promised to get her a picture she was really after. Shortly afterwards, she recieved it in the mail. Months later, I went onto become her maths teacher. I acted really nice. I am a bit lanky and am not a wizard with words, but I made her think I was a nice guy. Long story short, I'm living with her now and have been for 5 years and I'm now 31. Don't waste your breath on "tits or gtfo". She's still only a B-Cup and I think it's fantastic.

---

Hey /b/. I'm going to crush your hopes and dreams now. When I was 26, I met a 12 year old turtle in a sewer and promised to get him a picture he was really after. Shortly afterwards, he recieved it in the mail. Months later, I went onto become his martial arts teacher. I acted really nice. I am a bit lanky and am not a wizard with words, but I made him think I was a nice guy. Long story short, I'm living with him now and have been for 5 years and I'm now 31. Don't waste your breath on "tits or gtfo". He's still only a blue belt and I think it's fantastic.

---

Hey /b/. I'm going to crush your hopes and dreams now. When I was 26, I met a 12 year old girl at a toystore and promised to get her a candy she was really after. Shortly afterwards, she recieved it in the mail. Months later, I went onto become her special friend. I acted really nice. I am a bit deranged and am not a wizard with words, but I made her think I was a nice guy. Long story short, I'm living with her now and have been for the 6 months. Don't waste your breath on "tits or gtfo". She's still only a flatchest and I think it's delicious.

---

Hey /b/. I'm going to crush your hopes and dreams now. When I was 16, I met a 82 year old girl at a rave and promised to get her some cheap prescription medicines she was really after. Shortly afterwards, she received it in the mail from Canada. Months later, I went onto become her sexmate. I acted really nice. I am a bit lanky and am not a wizard with words, but I made her think I was a nice guy. Long story short, I'm living with her now and have been for 5 years and I now change her diaper everyday. Don't waste your breath on "tits or gtfo". She's still a senior citizen and I think she's fantastic.

Theory of /b/

I am quite new to 4chan but i already have a theory about /b/tards in relation to university students. They are the quiet ones in your leatures, they are the ones who leave right away to go back home. They can not be found in the student bar, nor the cafe, the workshop or the library. They can be found in their rooms, alone, day after day, time passing them by. They are one of my housemates, everyday he sits in his room, door locked, never joining in with the rest of us, just grunting if we pass him by. Hes the one who befriends few, hes the one no body likes because he does not try, hes the one getting kicked out at the end of the year so i can nick his room.(Ignore this bit)

He hates emos, goths, hippies, preps, everyone. He hates all society, all sub cultures, their clothes, their music, everything about them because hes not a 'part' of it. He does not have friends, girlfriends, he does not go out and have fun, so he resents them. He hates them… Soon people stop trying to be friendly, they wanted to get to know him, they thought he was shy, no hes just mean, he just doesnt like anyone, so they reject him and he just hates them more.

He hates everyone, day after day on /b/ he posts hate messages against blacks/jews/gays/emos/goths/etc, he does not see people anymore, just things he hates. Other /b/tards cheer him on, nurtures his hate, to the point he can never rejoin society.

He hates everyone, bitter twisted and warped.

This is your destiny.

Im getting the fuck out of here before it becomes mine.

DO NOT WANT

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FURRY RAEP ATTACK

 The quiet night lies empty all around me. Upstairs someone snoring loudly, and the house is empty. It is all mine. As long as I am silent I can do whatever I want. Yet another sleepless night is passing by like a commercial on TV. I’m tired but tonight there will be no sleep. Want to know why? No? Well, I didn’t except you to. All the lamps in the house are off, it’s totally dark and the orange tint from the streetlights outside makes its way inside.

    Without prior provocation, while sitting in front of the computer screen watching anime I suddenly feel a furry arm upon my shoulder, and I realise I am unable to move. On the backyard outside to my left, I notice a weird light is shining. I struggle to get free, but I cannot move. Something moves the chair I am sitting on away, levitating through the air, you know, like they always do in the movies you can catch at five in the morning.

    It’s cold and snowy outside, and a discus shaped object is hovering a few meters above ground. They move me, still unable to move inside. A bright light makes it hard for me to see, but soon it all becomes clear as I get used to it all. The trapdoor shuts closed behind us, and we are inside the ship. I do not know if it is from another world…I do not really care. They my paralysed body into a chair, like that a dentist usually has in the examination room, and on a silvery dinner plate I see syringes containing radiant greenish matter. I suspect the worst when I see this…

    The alien women, clad in a blood red dress that I can see through, moves over to me where I sit and pull my discoloured jeans down. Her eyes look tauntingly towards my crotch, where now my erect PENIS protrudes from my sloppily pulled down underpants. I still can’t move my arms and legs, but now my head can look around. The room is brightly lit from a huge chandelier directly above me. Why the hell the aliens bothered using such outdated things I have no idea.

    The alien women looks pretty much like an ordinary human, but she has a long fur and huge cat like ears on her head. Had I known of the Internet I would have had a name for those things, but now I didn’t know if the Internet. She grabs my hard erect PENIS and shakes it slowly, kneeling down and stretching a cold hand in between my legs. It snarls up around my balls and I try to squirm, but my attempts are futile.

    The gigantic syringe, and fully an inch long, is inserted into the home of my family pride, the two dearest of companions, they which were to bring upon the earth so much joy, perhaps a few new children to molest. The green substance is forced in, and I feel a cold rush merge from the dark underworld.

    The furry alien sits down on my viciously throbbing PENIS, and I feel her wet vaginal fluids march down along my thrusting victory blade. She begins to move up and down, and I feel a odd stinging sensation from my balls, down between my legs where the syringe still is protruding. I am weak and inexperienced, never before having had sex being the loser I am, but anyway I rapidly reach climax, feeling her vividly playful vaginal muscles thrust against my erect rectum-ravager. The hard throbbing cock inside her moist secret cave, to depths never before explored by man…

    And I came! She quickly jumped off my cock as soon as she felt it coming, and I see that green substance pouring out from the top of it like a disastrous volcanic eruption. Before my eyes weird sex scenes flash by, and I know so clearly that this is the happiest day of my life. I come some more, the green stuff mixes with my gloryvic manseed, and I feel so pleased it makes me want to sleep. Like they always do in the movies after having boring sex.